We thought everyone knows the adage that “If you cannot say anything nice do not say anything at all.” Obviously those words resonate well with some, but we keep finding out that many have not learned exactly what the words imply. Personally, we have experienced the pure stupidity of words that were spoken to us that were tasteless and hurtful. Somehow, in most cases we were able to shirk them off, assuming that those who were speaking were ignorant of what they were talking about. Yet the pain sometimes runs deep and we are fortunate that we can rely on each other’s strength for comfort.
Recently we became overwhelmed by the comments that were made in several situations where the unbelievable hurt and anguish that families had to go through were further tortured by the disgusting comments shared on various social media sites. When the unimaginable news of the drowning of Rabbi Reuven Bauman, z”l, was made public, in the midst of a tragedy far too difficult for any of us to comprehend, there were the comments of those who felt the need to imply in their very humble opinions why this happened and how it could have been avoided. On one site an obviously “intelligent” person suggested that the problem was that there is not enough school in the summer and therefore kids are taken on unnecessary trips and excursions. Others decided that they had the right to “pasken” on what should or should not be done in such extenuating situations with regard to shiva, some criticizing what a particular rav said and what another should have said. It was indeed nauseating. Honestly, was this not a time for all of klal Yisrael to band together and daven and do extra mitzvot for a positive outcome of this horrific happening? Why stoop so far down to even feel the need to say anything?
In a tragedy, is it not best to say nothing rather than offer words of total ineptitude? We are tired of this lack of derech eretz. Unfortunately, on one site where the comments were beyond hurtful it took more than a day for the moderators to have them removed. Someone finally woke up and decided that they were outright inappropriate. Upon researching this article we came upon some more of the various “important” topics of concern to many. They are not worthy of mention.
The respect and honor that should be directed to one another in our community appears to be greatly lacking. As we are approaching the Three Weeks between Shiva Asar B’Tammuz and Tisha B’Av is it not the right time to reevaluate—all of us—the words we use and the thoughts we have toward others? Life is so short and so very unpredictable. Is it necessary to criticize a parent when their child is involved in a biking accident for his not wearing a helmet? Is it necessary to look at other people’s children who have been fortunate in finding their “bashert” relatively easily and find reason to criticize something about them?
Is it necessary to look at those who have chosen for various reasons to not go to Jewish schools of higher learning as being less frum? Must we assume that the reason our child has less friends than the others in their class is because the class is composed of mainly snobs? Why is ours a world of so much blame?
If nothing else, please let us all use this tragedy of tragedies that occurred in Virginia Beach to be a wake-up call for all of us. We need to continually strive to be better people and perform more mitzvot, and at the same time recognize the need to be less judgmental and more insightful of who we really are.
By Rabbi Mordechai and Nina Glick
Rabbi Mordechai and Nina Glick are living in Bergenfield after many years of service to the Montreal Jewish community. Rabbi Glick was the rav of Congregation Ahavat Yisroel as well as a practicing clinical psychologist in private practice. He also taught at Champlain Regional College. The Glicks were frequent speakers at the OU marriage retreats. Nina coordinated all Yachad activities in Montreal and was a co/founder of Maison Shalom, a group home for young adults with special needs. They can be reached at [email protected].
