The school year is over and for many it is not only the end of another academic year, but the end of their time at a particular school. Before I continue, congrats to all the grads out there and to their families and friends! You have completed another milestone in your journey and you should feel proud!
Earlier this month I gave a talk to high school seniors at one of the Jewish day schools in Long Island. This seminar was intended to discuss fears and concerns about moving forward after having been in the same school for four years, and why this time may be difficult. Once a student enters his senior year, or the 8th grade in elementary school, s/he is often bombarded with questions about next year: Do you know where you’ll be going? What’s your plan? Many of the students voiced this fear about the unknown, stating that they were unsure of what was ahead and that they knew this graduation was a significant turning point in their lives.
Most of senior year can feel like being in a limbo phase in preparation for the following year at a new institution with a new set of people, rules, and an entirely unfamiliar environment. Therefore, while graduation is exciting and wonderful, it can also trigger a reality check: senior year is over and now something new is right around the corner.
Times of transition can bring on not only feelings of wonder and exploration, but anxieties and doubt: Will this next phase be good? Will I be happy? Did I make the right decision? These questions can feel overwhelming for some as the future looms over their minds.
One strategy that I often employ and that I encourage clients to use in difficult situations is the three-step model I created for myself: Reflect, Accept, Move Forward. Ideally, we can smoothly go through all three of these phases and move forward with excitement and a healthy amount of nerves. We reflect on the past and what brought us to where we stand today. We accept the current situation although this may be difficult and riddled with doubts. And finally, we move forward into the future. Getting stuck in one of these steps does not allow us to move forward in a healthy manner.
Moving forward does not necessarily mean planning too far ahead or blindly entering the next chapter of our lives. Rather, we can employ mindfulness (an aspect of the Dialectical Behavior Therapy approach) to make plans for our future but focus on and live in the current moment. Additionally, a healthy approach to moving forward includes reflecting on coping mechanisms. When confronted with the unknown, it is essential to know how one can properly manage fears and anxieties without turning toward maladaptive coping mechanisms. Managing one’s fears may include talking about hesitations, using energy for something productive, or getting out one’s feelings through art, work, or leisure activities.
When I graduated from high school I remember feeling excited and hopeful but also terrified of what was to come next. This was a time in my life when too many negative life events had taken their toll on my self-esteem. Rather than approach the transition with honesty and use the resources that I had, I retreated, isolated, and eventually developed a disorder that robbed me of the possibilities of a bright future.
Transitions are not inherently negative, but as the graduating class of 2014 moves forward—whether they be kindergarten, elementary, high school, or college students—my hope is that this next chapter can be approached with openness and honesty. Life is exciting and each chapter brings on new opportunities and growth. The best we can do is be open and real with ourselves and be prepared for the changes ahead.
Graduation from school symbolizes the many endings that individuals face in a lifetime. It is a privilege and honor to complete something as meaningful and important as education, and to then continue on with the next stage in life.
My heartfelt congratulations to the graduating class of 2014; I hope you are able to completely embrace the next chapter of your lives.
By Temimah Zucker
